The Evil Sorcerer's Quasi-Celebrity Apprentice

Gentle readers,

So I watched the Celebrity Apprentice season finale last night. The Donald billed it clearly as Good vs. Evil. In my humble opinion, Piers had no business in the finale to begin with. Firing the beautiful and talented Carol Alt (the only member of the women's team who won as project manager not once, but twice!) was the Donald's first error in judgement. He figured a battle between two complete opposites billing it as good vs. evil would sell better than doing the right thing. He actually went against the advice of his trusted advisers and brought Piers to the final battle pitted against Captain Middle America, the soft-spoken shy cowboy with a heart and voice of gold - Trace Adkins.

I'll start out by putting the charities these chaps were playing for aside. Both are worthy, noble charities doing great work in their own right. Same thing can be said for the charities represented by all the celebrities. Basing any decision on the charity would be the wrong way to pick the winner. I'm pretty sure I heard the Donald lay out the rules of final judgement as being based on three things. 1. Ticket sales, 2. Auction earnings and 3. the planning of their piece of the event.

Without hesitation, the walk-away winner of the auction was Piers. He had three bidders smack down 100k for auction items. However, the walk-away winner in the other two categories was clearly Team Trace. Team Piers had fewer ticket sales by a third and his end of the event didn't roll as smoothly. His plot to keep bidders drunk and hungry didn't seem to sit well with Donald. That's Team Trace 2, Team Piers 1...seems like a slam dunk, no?

So we enter the fabled final board room. I have a sinking feeling that Trace will get the fuzzy end of the lollipop, but am hoping that The Donald, since he billed it as Good vs Evil, that good will triumph...especially since it won fair and square.

I was wrong. Gather the children around folks. Here are some nuggets from your Uncle Donald: Evil will win every time. Nice guys finish last. You'll feel good about yourself if you do the right thing, do right by others and conduct yourself with integrity, but the smarmy guy next to you will go further.

Perhaps what I find most upsetting is that this is generally how it goes in the real world. I wanted to be treated to something different.

I will say this though. While the bloom is off the rose for me with Donald, who listens to nobody but himself these days, and why shouldn't he? He's got more money than God, so he's got to be doing something right. I was impressed with Donald's kids. Don Jr. and Ivanka seem intelligent, well spoken and full of integrity, charm and good business sense.

After the majority of the celebrities, Trump's advisors and his own children expressed support of Trace, the highlight of Celebrity Apprentice for me was when Ivanka tried to ask Piers why he didn't use more tact and if he was sorry he entered in to the sort of schoolyard "Your mama wears combat boots" name-calling with folks. Her quote went something like, "Piers you could have made this a 5 minute boardroom if you had had a better bedside manner." In front of the woman's father Piers commented with a bit of a lecherous grin, "Ivanka, love, you know nothing about my bedside manner." Ivanka, the epitome of class replied, "You make my point. That is precisely the lack of tact to which I am referring."

My advice to Mark Burnett: Fire the Donald and next season have Ivanka hire the next apprentice.

Random Musing Item: Dental floss? Really, Omarosa? I wasn't impressed.

Never play Uno with a 3 year old

Gentle readers,

Here's a short list of things my daughter has taught me.

1. Never play Uno with a three-year old. It just gets messy.

2. Hello Kitty lip gloss doesn't wash out of a white turtleneck.

3. Bouncing is fun and a tremendous stress reliever.

4. Reading can be a team sport.

5. Everything you say can and will be used against you or come back to bite you.

6. Imagination is very important. If you don't believe me, just ask the fairies and elves!

7. Honesty is the best policy.

8. Listen to your body. Sleep when you're tired, eat when you're hungry, etc.

9. If you're gonna do it...do it with GUSTO!!!

10. Know what you want and how to ask for it...you'll be surprised what happens.

Random Musing Item: If seeing is believing how come so many of us believe in things that we have never seen? I'm talking about things as varied as God, unicorns, and the Loch Ness Monster here.

Buffy's bendy

Gentle readers,

Since the New York Times found it fit to print, I guess I shall blog on it. Buffy the Vampire Slayer slept with a female in the Season 8 comic brought to us by Joss Whedon, father of all things Buffy. Now, the world has gone cracker-dog nuts saying all manner of things from Joss is the anti-Christ and that this is just sensationalism and on and on.

I agree, it's a great way to sell comics. But it's also more than that. Last month's issue had Buffy suggest she was gay subtly. She had a very touching scene with her love interest, Satsu, explaining how bad it was that Satsu was in love with her because people who love Buffy have bad things happen to them, etc. The last line was about healing.

And you know what? No one said a word. Everyone assumed Buffy would just sulk off after patting her crush unrequitedly on the cheek and continue being lonely. Actually, Satsu mentioned that Buffy wasn't gay and the Buffster responded with a non-answer "Not so you'd notice." No one said a word. Buffy can be as open-minded about the gay thing as she wants to when she's talking about it. So long as it's all in theory, no one gets offended, no mud gets slung. Everyone just smiles wistfully and says "Poor Buffy."

Fast forward an issue. In this one, Buffy not only talks about the gay thing, she gets naked, sweaty and all overtly lesbian. And everyone has a take on it and everyone has something to say. And would you believe not all of it is flattering?

Some say Joss has gone too far. Too far, how, again? This is Joss-fricken-Whedon, folks! Nothing is impossible and nowhere is too far. Now, do I think Buffy and Satsu are going to live happily ever after and live in a studio apartment in the city where they will have cats and raise their children (which would be stunning, if only imaginary)? No way. For the genius he is, I don't trust him as far as I could throw him. And I could certainly throw a comic book further than a television, but I'm drifting from my point.

There's those that say this came out of the clear blue sky and Buffy's straight as an arrow. I disagree. Remember Faith? If you watch season 3's interactions with Faith, there's girl-crush undertones and you needn't look too hard or read too much in to it. There are some who'd say I could read lesbian undertones into The Sound of Music. So there's your grain if you care to salt my blog.

Do I think Buffy's gay? Not entirely. Do I think she's straight? No way, Jose. I'd say she's bendy. Tell me you've never gotten a blip on your gaydar over Buffy? Everyone got really excited when Buffy entered a purely physical relationship with Spike...might she not enter in to the same arrangement with Satsu? Why the heck not? She's lonely, she's said that and in the truest sense of the word, she is alone. And along comes a young woman who loves her, respects her, flatters her and makes her feel good about herself and about life. One thing leads to another and Melissa Etheridge songs are playing and Buffy is coming to Satsu's window. I don't think it's hell and gone from reality.

As a fan, I couldn't be more excited to see where the storyline is headed. I'm not even going to hazard a guess. I'm just going to buckle my chin strap and enjoy the ride. Naked, sweaty Buffy plus naked, sweaty newbie Slayer equals all kinds of fun and funny. Yay, me!

Random Musing Item: Why do sheets in comics, TV and movies cover women up to the armpits and men only to the waist?