The Evil Sorcerer's Quasi-Celebrity Apprentice

Gentle readers,

So I watched the Celebrity Apprentice season finale last night. The Donald billed it clearly as Good vs. Evil. In my humble opinion, Piers had no business in the finale to begin with. Firing the beautiful and talented Carol Alt (the only member of the women's team who won as project manager not once, but twice!) was the Donald's first error in judgement. He figured a battle between two complete opposites billing it as good vs. evil would sell better than doing the right thing. He actually went against the advice of his trusted advisers and brought Piers to the final battle pitted against Captain Middle America, the soft-spoken shy cowboy with a heart and voice of gold - Trace Adkins.

I'll start out by putting the charities these chaps were playing for aside. Both are worthy, noble charities doing great work in their own right. Same thing can be said for the charities represented by all the celebrities. Basing any decision on the charity would be the wrong way to pick the winner. I'm pretty sure I heard the Donald lay out the rules of final judgement as being based on three things. 1. Ticket sales, 2. Auction earnings and 3. the planning of their piece of the event.

Without hesitation, the walk-away winner of the auction was Piers. He had three bidders smack down 100k for auction items. However, the walk-away winner in the other two categories was clearly Team Trace. Team Piers had fewer ticket sales by a third and his end of the event didn't roll as smoothly. His plot to keep bidders drunk and hungry didn't seem to sit well with Donald. That's Team Trace 2, Team Piers 1...seems like a slam dunk, no?

So we enter the fabled final board room. I have a sinking feeling that Trace will get the fuzzy end of the lollipop, but am hoping that The Donald, since he billed it as Good vs Evil, that good will triumph...especially since it won fair and square.

I was wrong. Gather the children around folks. Here are some nuggets from your Uncle Donald: Evil will win every time. Nice guys finish last. You'll feel good about yourself if you do the right thing, do right by others and conduct yourself with integrity, but the smarmy guy next to you will go further.

Perhaps what I find most upsetting is that this is generally how it goes in the real world. I wanted to be treated to something different.

I will say this though. While the bloom is off the rose for me with Donald, who listens to nobody but himself these days, and why shouldn't he? He's got more money than God, so he's got to be doing something right. I was impressed with Donald's kids. Don Jr. and Ivanka seem intelligent, well spoken and full of integrity, charm and good business sense.

After the majority of the celebrities, Trump's advisors and his own children expressed support of Trace, the highlight of Celebrity Apprentice for me was when Ivanka tried to ask Piers why he didn't use more tact and if he was sorry he entered in to the sort of schoolyard "Your mama wears combat boots" name-calling with folks. Her quote went something like, "Piers you could have made this a 5 minute boardroom if you had had a better bedside manner." In front of the woman's father Piers commented with a bit of a lecherous grin, "Ivanka, love, you know nothing about my bedside manner." Ivanka, the epitome of class replied, "You make my point. That is precisely the lack of tact to which I am referring."

My advice to Mark Burnett: Fire the Donald and next season have Ivanka hire the next apprentice.

Random Musing Item: Dental floss? Really, Omarosa? I wasn't impressed.